Goodbye My Lover
by angel-of-heart
Summary: She was a trapped soul and he was her saviour. He loved her and she loved him, but he never knew. The end had come too soon. She didnt get a chance to tell him. KairixRoxas
1. Let me tell you my story

I'm not quite sure what going on in my head right now. I'm totally with the Kairi and Roxas pairing, and I cant stop writing about them. But as for the themes running through this fic, they're something I haven't really tried before. But it's better sooner rather than later. So here's a new fic that I'm working on whilst doing the others. I now have an unlimited amount of time to write these so I thought why not? Anyway, this fic gets a bit dark in places, so I'm just warning you. But they're nothing really really bad.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy. They belong to Disney and Square Enix.

XxXxXxXxXxX 

Chapter 1: Let me tell you my story

When people talk about true love, do they really know what they're talking about? I mean, when we think of true love we think about the person we marry and spend the rest of our lives with, but is that really true love? Maybe we just get married for the fear of being alone when we grow old and our lives come to an end. Maybe we only get married because we feel like we have to. The image of the perfect family that has been thrust on society causes us to believe that the only way we can be truly happy is to 'fall in love' we someone, get married, have tonnes of children then die at a old age. But what about true love? Most people now marry for the sake of having that special day where all attention is upon them, they're the only one that matters, to have a day devoted to them. But what about true love? We get married and think that's it, we're with the same person for the rest of our lives and I'll never be able to date again, go out partying…maybe that why one in three marriages end in divorce. We hate the idea of being tied down to one person. But what about true love?

What about finding that one true person that really understands us and honestly wants to spend the rest of his life with you? What about finding the man that wants to wake up to you every morning and watch you sleep? What about finding the person who will stick by you through thick and thin? What about finding your soul mate?

I'm not the best person to ask about beliefs, but if there's one thing I believe in then it's finding the soul mate…my soul mate. I believe that there is a person out there that is meant to be with me. He's my soul mate. He's the one that's perfect for me. He was the one that was perfect for me. He was my soul mate.

One the topic of beliefs, I didn't use to believe in fate and destiny. But then I met him. At the time I didn't know that it was him I was destined to be with. I didn't think he was my soul mate. He was just a friend. But then things changed. And I started to believe in destiny and fate.

This is my story about when I met my soul mate. Cheesy and clique I know, but I'm being 100 serious here. I have to be, because he isn't here now. I lost him. I lost my soul mate. The problem is I didn't realise he was my soul mate until it was too late. He was already gone.

And about true love, it does exist, and I know that better than anyone else. Here's my story…its about love, destiny and finding The One.

XxXxX 

I lost my parents when I was only 11. I moved in with my aunty and uncle but we never really got on. I missed my parents so much and due to that, I closed up. I became a shell. I didn't let anyone in and I wouldn't open up to anyone.

Life was hard.

I was bullied in school because I didn't follow the social requirements. I didn't dress like I was meant to, I didn't listen to the right music, I didn't go to the right places and I hardly had any friends. I move from school to school until I had attended all the ones in my area.

Shortly before my 14th birthday, I was sent off to live with my 22-year-old cousin, Rikku. She was the only one I opened up to then. She helped me crack open my shell slightly, but I never truly came out.

She sent me to the local school, D.H.S, and that's where I met Selphie. We're still friends today. I still didn't 'fit in' but it was so vast and varied that no one noticed. I was able to be myself, but I still couldn't open up. I told Selphie a few things as she was the first true friend I had ever made, but she didn't know the full story for another 6 years, when I met him.

After I left D.H.S at 16, I went to Southern Destiny College along with Selphie. I had the best time and had experiences I will never forget. But I was still closed in, keeping my inner most feelings inside of me. But no one ever noticed. When I was with a group of people, I would put on a face. They remained oblivious to the pain that still went on inside me. But not Selphie. She always knew when I pretended, but I never knew this until I told her everything.

Then, when I turned 18, I got accepted into C.D.U. I had to move away from Rikku and I was heart broken over it. But she told me to go and be free. I never truly understood what she said until the Fresher's week at the university. Selphie was still with me, thank god, and very quickly we learnt about life at C.D.U: booze, sex, wild parties and the occasional bit of studying. If this is what Rikku meant by being free then I wish I could've stayed locked up for the rest of my degree.

But as me and Selphie got welcomed into the social world of C.D.U, I discovered that it wasn't that bad. I went to a few parties, didn't do the whole sex thing though, but studies where always the priority for me. But the drinking…I wish I had never tried it. It's…addictive. I was still closed up, unwilling to let everything I felt go, even if it did kill me on the inside. But alcohol helped me escape that.

It was towards the end of my second year that it started to get really bad. Every night I would be out drinking and not caring about the consequences. My grades and marks plummeted. I was lucky not to have been kicked out. I just passed my second year. But then, during an 'End of Exams' party with Selphie, my drink was spiked.

I was so careless. I used to get so drunk so quick, not really caring. But that night, when it happened…when the worst thing imaginable happened to me, I made a promise to myself, and in the months after, I became the most sober person on Destiny Island.

If it wasn't for Selphie and Rikku, who moved up shortly after to look after me, I probably would have committed suicide. I seeped deeper and deeper into depression. But they helped save me. They told me that I should still live my life. The fact no one was ever found guilty of it because there was too little evidence made it worse for me to move on. But they still helped me. They got me back on my feet. And I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since.

But they couldn't save me from going back into my shell that I still had. I felt it was my fault when my drink got spiked. I was careless and stupid. I thought that night was all my fault. When I went to bed, and went to sleep, there was nothing to stop the images replaying in my mind: waking up alone in that bed and my clothes all over the place. I lost my trust in the opposite sex and I went quiet and withdrawn. Everything that had gone wrong in my life was my fault: my parent's death, being bullied, getting raped, the drinking, and my shell.

But I told Selphie everything then. All my problems, my feelings, my fears, my hopes and it felt so good to let it all out. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but nothing could erase them.

At the start of my second year, after telling everything to Selphie, I opened up slightly. Selphie believed it would be good for me to make new friends. So I did. I met Namine, Yuna, Yuffie and, the one I am most proud of, Sora. Even though I still had a thing against getting close to males, I felt like I could trust him. I did trust him. I didn't open up to them about my past. I preferred to keep that a closed book, all though they knew about what happened that night.

Then, when I was perfectly happy, he came into my life. The guy who transferred to this top university because he was excelling to far ahead in his old one that the teachers couldn't keep up. I always laughed at him for that. And yes, I may sound emo but I did laugh, especially when I was with him.

When I first saw him, I thought he was gay. I mean, even though I had a thing against guys, no one that good looking and well groomed could be all man. I later learnt about my mistake of course, but that was judging on first impressions.

Anyway, he was Sora's cousin, and looked an awfully lot like him. Tall, light brown hair, deep blue eyes, and I'm not talking about Sora. I don't like Sora in that way, I'm just stressing that seeing as I said they looked identical.

He was…I don't know how to describe him. Perfect doesn't seem good enough. Amazing doesn't do him justice. Even amazing, perfect, fabulous and fantastic all rolled into one wont do it. The time I spent with him will always be in my heart and I can never forget. My heart wont let me. Because not only was he the best thing to ever happen to me, I made the biggest mistake whilst with him. I waited until it was too late to tell him I loved him.

There are many things I regret in my life, that being one of them: that I didn't tell him I loved him. But I'll never regret the time I spent with him, regardless of the ups and downs.

The reason I'm telling you my life story is so that you never make the same mistake that I did. If you love some one, tell them, don't wait and keep it inside because the end might come sooner than expected. If someone makes you feel like a somebody, then tell them. If someone makes you feel like you're on top of the world everyday, then tell them. If they complete your life, tell them. Live for day and don't base promises on tomorrow. I promised myself everyday that tomorrow I would tell him. And I never got the chance to.

So let me tell you of the man who brought a tortured soul out of her shell. A man who helped a lost one find love again. A man who always though of others until the end. A man who rescued a trapped girl from drowning. Let me tell you about the man who made the world a brighter place.

Let me tell you about the man that I fell in love with…and he never knew.

XxXxXxXxXxX 

So, what did you think? Read and Review lol. Adios x x x


	2. Being Afraid of a Stranger

I would like to thank all those of you who reviewed. I was meant to update this earlier but this summer has been more stressful than I thought. Two days left and I still havent done ny of the work we were meant to do. Oops. Anyway, heres chapter two of 'Goodbye My Lover'. I changed my name because this one seems to suit it more. And yes, its the same title as a James Blunt song. But that song is soooooo sweet. Getting off the point again. So heres chapter 2 before I bore you to death with pointless info.

Disclaimer: I dont own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy. Sadly. But KH2 is coming out in England on the 29th September. Sooooo excited.

XxXxXxXxX

Chapter 2: Being afraid of a stranger

_That's how I met him. That's my life story so far. You may still be wondering why I would drag up my pain just to prove a point, but sometimes, going over the past can help the future. I'll start from the beginning, when he first walked into my life. _

XxXxX 

"Selphie, move your backside now! We're going to be late!" Another academic year has arrived. The final year of university and I realise how lucky I am to be here. "Selphie!"

"Coming, coming." As much as I love her, does she really need an hour and a half to get ready for 5 hours at uni?

"Why does that girl take so long to get ready?" Rikku asked me.

Rikku, my cousin and the only family I have left. I don't talk to my aunt and uncle anymore. She's been my rock, as has Selphie, and I don't know what I would have done without her.

"Okay, I'm ready now," Selphie said as she came down the stairs.

"What's the stilettos, Selphie?" I ask.

"I want to look good."

"Still trying to impress that Tidus guy?" Rikku asked, a slight smirk on her face.

"Yeah."

"Still wont pay attention to you?"

"Yeah."

"And you think a tight top, high heels and a skirt that looks more like a belt will do it for you?"

"Kinda."

"How old are you?"

"20." Rikku just looked at me and shook her head. I laughed slightly. "Hey, you're 28 and your single."

"I don't plan on getting married until I can guarantee myself a secure life."

"You can still date."

"The majority of singletons my age are complete jerks."

"Listen you two," I interrupt, "we're late enough as it is. We have to be there in 10 minutes Selphie and you're due in at work in 20, Rikku." That was all it took to get them moving. I roll my eyes and pick up my bag. "Honestly," I mutter.

XxXxX 

"This year, things are going to change, I can feel it."

"Selphie, just because it's a new year doesn't mean Tidus is suddenly going to fall for you."

We're walking down the hallway towards the art building. Selphie gives me a hurt look.

"He will notice me."

"You'll get over this Selphie. Next week you'll be with some guy from some bar that you met on some night out."

"Maybe. But I just know Tidus is the one for me." I sometimes question whether she truly is 20. "And what about you? Any man taken your fancy yet?" I instantly turn cold at the thought of being with a man.

"Selphie," I say to her, a little more harshly than intended, "lets not go there."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise-" I don't listen and I walk on ahead.

I'm not ready to think like that. I'm not really to imagine being with someone. I just cant. The nightmares are still too fresh. Not watching were I'm going, I walk straight into someone.

"I'm sorry Kairi." I look up and meet a set of blue eyes. The one male I talk too. The one male that I can actually stand to get close too.

"Its alright Sora. Its my fault." I help him pick up some books. Advanced Law. God, I hate him for being so smart. But I don't really hate him. I'm getting of the point. You know what I mean.

"You okay?" he asks me.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Things going okay…?" I could tell he was trying to ask me about it but didn't want to upset me by saying it directly.

"Things are…okay." He looks at me. "Don't look at me like that Sora. Things have been better, but I'm getting there." Okay, blatant lie but even so, it stops more questions.

"Are you sure? You seemed a bit flustered when you bumped into me." Okay, I spoke too soon.

"Its just…I…" I'm at a total loss for words.

"Selphie said something totally stupid but it hit you like a hammer hits a nail?" Damn you Sora, why are you always right? He takes my silence as a yes. "Don't worry about her. She's got her head in the clouds over this Tidus bloke…again." I laughed slightly. Sora had a habit of doing that too me. "Anyway, welcome to your last year. Namine should be here soon, and the others." I saw that starry eyed look in his eyes when he mentioned Namine.

"Still haven't told her?"

"Nope." I shake my head slightly.

"I know I'm not the best person to give relationship advice…but tell her already!" Sora laughs at me.

"Maybe, but its hard. What if she doesn't like me back?"

"Sora!" We turn to see Namine running down the corridor towards us. She smiles at him and a faint pink tint crosses her cheeks.

"If that doesn't answer your question, then nothing else I can say." He looks at me and smiles. I smile back but if fades as Namine hugs Sora, him returning it with the same passion. He cant notice my arse. But then it hits me that I'll never have this. Whilst they're talking I head off towards the art's building without them noticing. Yep, they're going to get married and have loads of kids.

I fall into another world. The people fade away from around me and I lose myself in my mind. The one place that is so scarred but is the best place to lose myself. As much as I detest all men, except Sora obviously, I wonder what it would be like to have that. Somebody there. Someone to hold you when you're down, miss you when you're gone, make you laugh and smile. Just someone.

When I'm in my own world, I lose my grip on reality. And when walking through a crowded corridor, that can be fatal. So what happens, the most cliché thing in the world. I walk smack bang into something, or someone, and I'm sent sprawling to the ground.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," I hear a voice say. I sit up to see a blonde gathering papers and a guitar case next to him on the floor. I shake the daze out of my head and start helping him.

"Not, I'm sorry. It was my fault. I was in a world of my own." I gather some papers and look up. Damn it.

My eyes rest on crystal blue eyes. I feel something stir up inside me but I push it away. I never had breakfast, thinking of the best possible excuse.

"I…erm…" he stutters. I have to look away, fearing I'm going to get lost again if I keep looking into those eyes. He coughs. "I'm sorry. I should have been watching where I was going."

"No. It was me." I hand him the papers and help him with the guitar case. "I hope I didn't ruin anything."

"It would be my own fault. I'm sorry about that." I laugh slightly. "What?"

"I think we've both apologised enough." He grins nervously and scratches the back of his neck. Where have I seen that before?

"How about I make it up to you?" Now I don't make an excuse for the new funny feeling growing inside me. I've felt this before…fear. "What you doing at lunch?"

I go instantly cold. I push past him and ignore his shouts.

"I didn't get your name."

I cant give you my name. I'm too scared to even do that. I hug my bag closer and wish his voice away, but it wont go. He's still in the corridor behind me, not moving. Probably wondering if he did something wrong.

Giving your name to someone is so simple. Such an easy task. Why the hell is it so hard for me to do? I walk towards the art room. All he did was ask what I was doing at lunch and I couldn't answer that simple question. I'm 20 and I'm afraid of a stranger. The urge to start crying overwhelms me and I wipe a tear away as I enter the room.

I've never seen him before and I pray that it will be the first and last time.

XxXxX

Well, how did you like it? Good? Bad? Want me to update? Then review. Catch ya later xXx


	3. Giving the Cold Shoulder

Please forgive me for the lack of updates. I've been major league busy with college, university applications and home stuff. And having my computer break didnt help lol. So now I'm back from the dead with two updates and 'Popularity doesn't Matter' will be updated either tomorrow or tuesday, I promise. It just depends on whether I have more free time on monday or tueday. But that will be updated. Anyway, enough of the unwanted waffle, heres chapter 3 of 'Goodbye my Lover'.

**XxXxX**

Chapter 3: Giving the Cold Shoulder

_I guess I could be called naïve for thinking that a simple prayer could stop me from facing a fear. And I could also be called daft. If it didn't work for the rest of the world then why would it work for me? But as fate would have it, I did bump into him again. And I'm glad I did, because if I hadn't, none of this would've happened. Even if the ending broke my heart, I don't regret a single thing that happened._

XxXxX 

My art session that morning passed quickly, much to my disappointment. I'm going to have to face Selphie now. Her and this notion that she and Tidus are soul mates. As much as I love her, its beginning to bore me and annoy me.

Its gone 12 and after a 2 hour session on pottery, I'm absolutely starving. Walking into the cafeteria, I notice Sora and Namine sitting at a table, neither taking their eyes of the other. I roll my eyes and laugh inwardly. Two love sick puppies.

Placing my bag on the floor, I sit next to Sora, its enough of a distraction to pull him away from Namine for a moment.

"Hey Kai. How was the session?"

"Okay, can't wait to eat though." I stand up again and go join the cue.

"Hey Kairi." I turn to my right and see Selphie grabbing a tray and standing next to me.

"Hey."

"Listen, I'm really sorry about before. I didn't mean to say it like that. I guess I wasn't thinking. I just-"

"Its okay Selphie. Its kind of my own fault for being so uptight about it."

"But you have your reasons, which we all understand fully."

"Pity that no one else does." Selphie looks around to see what I see. People are watching me. Whispering to their companions about me behind their hands. Slating me obviously. I bet they think I deserved it. They all knew how my drinking was because of parties and rumour around the campus. But I didn't care then, I just went back into myself. But now…when that shell is so broken, everything hits a little deeper.

"Ignore them. They clearly don't know what's good for them. If they start saying anything to you, they'll have me to deal with." I laughed slightly. I walk back over and sit next to Sora again where Yuna and Yuffie had now joined the table.

"Okay. Now this is going to sound totally stupid, but my cousin transferred to here for his last year," Sora said.

"Why for the last year?" Yuffie asked.

"The teachers couldn't keep up with his talent." A laugh went up around the table. "Anyway, I said to him that I'd introduce him to you guys. He should be here soon."

"What's he like?" Selphie asked. I knew what was coming. Another guy for her to get her claws into.

"Not another guy for you to date Selphie, that's for sure." I laugh at the look on Selphie's face.

"Being serious here," Yuna began, "what's he like?"

"He's cool. I know you'll like him." Oh joy, a lad for the group. I already feel the insecurities rise up within me. "I've told him all about you guy's."

"Everything?" I ask hesitantly.

"Not everything," Sora says, understanding what I mean.

"Well, it wont be long until he finds out anyway," I mutter.

"Don't worry Kai," Namine says. "It'll be fine." I murmur a response.

"Hey Sora," I hear a voice say. Looking at Selphie, I see her eyes light up. Not a good sign. Poor guy doesn't know what he's letting himself in for.

"There you are," Sora said, standing up. I look at the rest of the group, looking for indications as to how I should react to the guy standing behind me. "Guy's, this is Roxas. Roxas, my friends."

I finally turn around and my apple drops from my grip. Its him. The guy I was praying I would never see again. His blue eyes focus on me, realisation passing through them. I gulp and smile hesitantly. He returns the smile confidently, his perfect grin catching me by surprise. I feel heat rise to my cheeks for some reason. Oh crap.

"That's Selphie, that's Yuna and Yuffie. That's Namine and that's Kairi in front of you," Sora said, naming each of us in turn around the table.

"Hi," Roxas says.

"So you're the guy who teachers cant keep up with?" Selphie asks. Great first question Selphie, but Roxas just laughs.

"So they say."

"Sit down," Sora says, offering Roxas his seat. I freeze slightly as Roxas sits down and his elbow brushes my arm.

"So, you're Kairi?" he says to me. I turn to him and just nod. Sora is the only male I have had a proper conversation with since that night, so this is making me really uncomfortable. "Sorry about before."

"Its over and done with now."

"So, when I asked you what you were doing at lunch, I guess I know now." He laughs but I don't join in. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." I turn to Selphie. "I have to go. I'll see you all later." I pick up my bag and walk off. I feel their eyes on my back, but for some reason, I feel his more.

XxXxX 

I'm sitting on the bleachers by the sports field. My still uneaten apple is sitting in my hand, and I have a feeling I still won't be eating it. I sigh and roll my eyes. I dump my apple back in my bag and rest my head in my hands.

Those eyes where still burned in my brain. No matter what I did, I couldn't erase them. My mind refused to let them go. I let out an annoyed cry.

"Stressed?" I jump slightly and my heart starts pounding. A male voice. Images flash through my mind and my breathing becomes fast and laboured. Another panic attack.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and it worsens. Black spots begin to appear in front of my eyes and the world starts spinning. I see a brown lunch bag handed to me and I take it. I begin to breath into it.

"That's it. Just breath. You need to stay calm." I close my eyes and breathing becomes easier. I open my eyes and the world stop spinning. I look to my right to see who helped me and I see those eyes again. My breathing becomes fast again.

"No, don't do that. You have to stay calm or you'll get another attack." I shake my head and mutter something. "Come again?" I moved the bag away.

"Why are you here?"

"I fancied a walk." I raise my eyebrow. "Okay, I lied. I came to find you. Why did you leave lunch so quickly?"

"I have my reasons." I stand up and grab my bag.

"You're doing it again. Leaving for no reason."

"I have a reason."

"What?" Damn it. Why cant I think of an excuse? Stupid brain. "Listen, its been an hour since the cafeteria. I've learnt that Yuffie has this strange obsession with martial arts. Yuna loves history and she owns a set of guns, I didn't really dig into that too much, it frightened me slightly." I laughed slightly. "Namine is kinda quiet. She seems to pay attention to Sora a lot though. Wonder why." I can tell he knows why. "Selphie is…scary, to say the least."

"That's the impression most people get when they first meet her."

"She seems crazy about lads. Some Tidus dude in particular. She thinks he's her soul mate."

"She's said that about the last six guys too."

"Sora, I know very well for obvious reasons. But you…you're the mystery. The others wouldn't tell my anything. But I guess you're not a people person."

"You don't know the half of it," I mutter under my breath.

"What?"

"Its nothing. Why do you want to know anyway?"

"I guess you could say I'm intrigued."

"About…?"

"About why you walk around in a shell and wont let anyone in."

I immediately seize up. I go cold and stand back up.

"I need to go."

"Don't."

"What? Do you think I'll open up to you? Do you think I'm going to spill open my soul to some random stranger when the only thing I know about you is your name? Well your wrong. If I cant open up to my best friend, what makes you think I'll open up to you?" I start to make my way down the bleachers.

"No. You don't have to open up. I just want to be friends."

"This isn't the sixth grade. You can't go around asking people to be your friend anymore."

"Don't be so uptight."

"Uptight?"

"I ask you a simple question and you get all up on the defensive."

"I have a right to 'get all up on the defensive' after all the shit I've been through. There, is that open enough for you. My life has been one crap heap after another. Is that good enough?" I storm past him and jump the last row.

"Kairi." I hear him say my name into the wind. It sounds so…perfect…coming from him. So simple and clean. The way I wish my life was. I carry on walking though. I don't look back. He's stopped following me but his voice wont leave my head.

"_About…?"_

"_About why you walk around in a shell and wont let anyone in."_

It sounds so wrong coming from somebody else. I've never had anyone say it open and upfront to me like Roxas did.

And the way he said my name. Perfection.

As if its meant to be. My name only ever coming from his lips.

Maybe that's why it hurts so much.

One small, insignificant thing seeps into my shell and stays there. But that small, insignificant thing is the biggest problem.

Its perfect buts its so wrong.

That's why it hurts so much.

**XxXxX**

Well, what did you think? Read and Review please. Adios x x x


End file.
